Rules without relationship leads to rebellion
Today, I was re-introduced to the concept of “special time” with your kids. It is based on the research by Dr Russell Barkley regarding children with ADHD. The concept is simple, spend 15-20 minutes with your child without the normal rules, on their level, letting them lead while you follow. If they want to play a board game, play board games; if they want to have a tea party, have a tea party. Let them lead and you follow. Relax, enjoy the time and develop an attitude that conveys “Wow! That is really interesting! Tell me more!”
Thru that time, both you and your child learn to communicate with each other as well as learning needs (what does your child see, what is the vision they have, how do they think). The point of the exercise is to connect relationally with your child and let them feel valued, important, and loved in a safe environment where it is ok for them to make mistakes. Once finished, the instruction was to keep a journal and write down something that you learned new about your child that you did not see or know before that you can use as an encouragement in the future.
How much better would your marriage, family, team, work, and every other relationship in your life be if you spent more “special time” together with others in your life? For the month of October, I encourage you to put this into practice every day with your wife, your children, and your ministry team. Start a notebook for each person writing down things that you learned or observed that can be used to encourage that person or something that you discover that makes that person more endearing to you. What are their hopes, their dreams? Why has God placed them in your life and how can you be a blessing to them? Leave me a comment and let me know how it has enhanced your relationship.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Great post. I’m going to try this with my team.